The Time Cube

The Time Cube   (http://www.timecube.com/)

 Whoa!  Who uses fonts this big?  This is perhaps the easiest of the crackpot websites to parody — in fact it’s hard to believe at first glance that this site is real, and not a product of some college honors students with too much time on their hands.  (I’m pissed at my two-decades-ago self for not thinking of that.)  In fact, there was a brilliant parody of the TimeCube, called The Learning Triangle, that captured some of the same incomprehensible style — though even this parody strains to become more ridiculous than the original.  Too bad it doesn’t seem to exist anymore…

Uh, come again? This, no joke, is the first thing you see when you visit the timecube

But back to the TimeCube.  His bile seems to be directed more at arithmetic — one of his first tenets is that (-1) x (-1) is not +1, as we learned in 3rd grade.  To me, it seems unambitious to attack simple arithmetic — why not go for General Relativity?  Calculus?  Algebra, for chrissakes??  There’s also plenty of nonsense about the fact about time, the rotation of the earth, and human races, that all seem to involve the number four.  For an extra treat, check out the source code for the webpage (do a “view source”) — this man should go to jail for abuse of the line return.

Overall, an excellent example of crackpot science.  If someone were to invent a machine that automatically generates crackpot websites, the output would look like this — much like if a machine were invented to automatically generate rock band names, it would spit out “Velvet Revolver”.  The Time Cube is really the Velvet Revolver of the web-based alternative scientific theories / cult religions.  (Note to readers — I absolutely guarantee that last sentence has never been uttered before in the history of the universe.)

His crackpot scores:

1.  Terrible English:   “Americans will die SINGULARITY stupid, their brain lobotomized by EVIL educators.”  You betcha.  Seven out of ten, and not higher than that mainly because spelling is at least roughly correct.  It’s just the content that makes no sense.

2.  All Science Is WRONG:  Pretty decent scope to his claims, covering some very basic concepts in math and physics.  Not to mention how easily his claims can be checked and refuted.  Not very sophisticated mathematically (compared to Autodynamics or Yun-Qi), but a wider span of contemporary knowledge is being attacked.  Eight out of ten.

3.  Irritated, emotional language:  See #1 above.  A solid nine out of 10.  I also like to hear that “Americans are dumbass, educated stupid and evil singularity fools.”  I thought so…

4.  One extremely long and ugly webpage:  The main page is almost 1000 lines long.  He alternates red, blue, and black fonts for his gigantic text, seemingly at random.  Scroll down fast, and it almost looks patriotic.  Eight out of ten — would have done even better if he’d have more irrelevant pictures.

5.  Completely new definitions:   Well, I’m not sure — the explanations are so amazingly strange that I can’t even tell if he’s defined anything.  He seems to be using English words in completely new ways, but that may just be the way he talks.  Four out of ten.

Our Grand Total:   A total of 36 out of 50.  Already, I can tell, he is a contender for the crown, and richly deserves his fame.

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