Scientific Terms That Make Good Band Names
As everyone knows, the most fun aspect of being in a band is coming up with the band’s name. (Second-most fun is dreaming up the album cover, and third-most fun is writing the thank-yous in the liner notes.) Here, we compile for the benefit of all proto-bands out there looking for an image, some great science-inspired names that would totally ROCK to see on the Billboard charts someday. Feel free to use them — we even provide a rough sketch of the characteristics you’ll need to live up to the thunderously rocktastic names herein. All we ask is that you thank us in your liner notes…
The Grand Canonical Ensemble — A giant funk band in the spirit of Parliament or the Commodores, with about 94 members, most of whom play non-essential percussion like wood block. There are so many members (many of whom tend to come and go from gig to gig) that they can’t be individually counted — you have to judge the band by more global properties like temperature, pressure, and polyester density.
The Ketones — either a lounge act from 1972 who were lame even then, or a modern-day punkabilly band ironically mimicking lounge acts from 1972. The physical appearance is about the same either way — matching jackets, fuzzy dice accessorizing the drum kit, etc. About the only difference is the presence of chain wallets.
Superior Colliculus — Exploring the neural correlates of funk for many years, this band might be a bit primitive, but they still get the job done. Never to be accused of being too cerebral, these guys can lay down a reptilian groove that makes you want to jump.
The Game of Life — Pretentious Art Rock. The critics love them, but no one who isn’t paid to write about music has ever heard them. “A band whose whole is greater than the sum of the parts”, the critics say, “whose unpredictable turns sometimes become predictable, yet never fail to be really cool to look at.” They pride themselves on making complex music from extremely simple parts. This is true, but the novelty wears off faster than they think. Stephen Wolfram is a huge fan. See also their novelty cover band, “The Game of Polka”.
Heat Deth (note that there is an umlaut over the “e”) — dark, greasy-haired dirge metal band. Their songs don’t actually end, they just get progressively slower and harder to hear.
The Bits — I frankly cannot believe this isn’t already taken. Someone out there ought to be using this, right? It’s got such a fundamental, kick-in-the-rocks oomph to it, like The Kinks, The Jam, or The Who. These guys would have skinny ties, probably would hang out with Devo and Kraftwerk, and definitely would get beaten up by Slade. Their music is a little monotonous, though, what with only two possible notes…
The Lorentz-Lorenz Experience — This group would likely be a side project of a famed (yet reclusive) singer-songwriter named Clausius Mossotti, whose lifetime of angst finds its only expression in songs that can only be described as complex. You have to catch them live, though — they really can rock, particularly under the influence of an external electric field.
Brehmstralung – Scruffy prog rock with 18-minute songs that have flute solos. Hell of a light show on stage, though…
The Boltz Men — A barbershop quartet whose membership remains constant at 1.38 x 10-23 members. Sometimes, for fun, they switch up the order in which they stand in line, but no one ever notices. And they all have really big beards.
The Alan Parsons Project — wait, what? It’s already taken? Okay, what about Kraftwerk?