Beer Review: Heineken Keg Can — Makes your hand look really small

In keeping with my pattern of either drinking 1) leprous domestic malt liquor or 2) run-of-the-mill imports, I recently tried out the Heineken Keg Can.  As you might imagine, it failed to live up to the hype — it’s essentially just a 24-oz can o’ beer with a little slope to the shape near the top and bottom.  About all it did was give me the illusion that I had somehow been shrunk to 2/3 my original size, and was now having a hard time getting my hand around a standard can of beer.  Perhaps I’ve lost the right to be snobbish given what else I’ve imbibed, but a can makes every beer taste like Coors Light to me — I suppose I could have poured it into a glass, but I decided to drink straight from the can as nature  intended, and of course I wound up imagining that I tasted aluminum with every sip.

Now that I got that complaint out of the way, I will say the can would be excellent if put to use for other purposes after you finish off the beer.  If you’re a little handy with tools, you could make yourself a nifty pencil holder, bacon-grease storage can, or a truly horrible-sounding addition to a drumset if mounted on a cymbal stand.  Not being handy myself (it once took me 5 hours to replace the leaky toilet hardware innards in my bathroom, true story) I’ll have to settle for a night of imagining I’m some sort of troll stealing brews from a regular-size human.  Hmmm, maybe I need to get out more…

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