Beer Review: Biere De Mars — Qu’est que c’est “Beeeep”?

Some fast facts about Biere De Mars:

— This is a beer called “Beer From Mars”, and has a picture of Mars on the label.

— Despite being from Mars, the name is in French.

— Comes in a big fat bottle with a champagne-style cork.

— Prominently mentions that its brewed with Brettanomyces Bruxellensis, a wild yeast that creates more sediment than I’ve had in a beer since I accidentally (on purpose) dropped an onion ring into my Pabst.

— Brewed by the Ommegang Brewery, who also brew “Ommegeddon”.

Clearly, this is a beer in need of a hook.  Too subtle!  No personality!  Wait, no, I got that wrong — this is a beer that needs about three less hooks.  “Beer from Mars”?  OK, you got me, I’m a science nerd and I pretty much have no choice but to try it.  But why is it in French?  Here’s my guess:  wild mutant yeast, concocted in a clandestine baguette / beret laboratory in Paris, achieves sentience and immediately set about pursuing a space program.  Thwarted at every turn by lack of reliable second stage boosters and opposable thumbs for golfing on the moon, the Brettanomyces colony forms a thick sludge at the bottom of a bottle, which I then purchase and drink.  Yeah, that sounds about right.

Thankfully, the flavor is quite subtle and understated, a soothing contrast to the jarring thematic juxtapositions on the label.  Nooo, not really!  It’s good, but it’s a big bold mess,  just as WTF-y as the outside.  (It’s a word now.  Rhymes with “swifty”.  So there.)   Really flavorful, very tart, almost like you did a tequila-like ritual involving a shot of beer, a bite of lemon wedge, and a lick of Greek yogurt off your hand.  (Regretting that image.  Much happier about bringing “WTF-y” into the world than that yogurt metaphor abomination.)  It’s very tart, fruity, all-around really bold zesty beer.  This is apparently a result of the wild yeast, which (according to the label) “imparts added tartness, extra zing, and a touch of funk”.  I thought I tasted some Rick James…   Anyway, I do recommend this beer, though it ain’t for sipping in quiet contemplation by the fire.  This beer is best paired with any type of food that requires you clean your fingers with a wet-nap afterward, and best enjoyed while listening to loud live music, preferably a band named “A Touch of Funk”.  Except in French.

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