Beer Review: Budweiser and Clamato — my stomach respectfully tenders its resignation
This has been a bad week for my stomach. First, we went to the county fair, where I had — you better sit down for this — 1) a deep-fried twinkie, 2) deep-fried oreos, 3) deep-fried Spam, and best of all, 4) a deep-fried WHITE CASTLE BURGER. I believe these are coincidentally the forms that the four horsemen of the apocalypse will take when they reappear on earth. Fortunately for us all, I neutralized them with my stomach. Then, I found this beverage. It was a moment that will forever live in infamy, a moment that will have entire chapters devoted to it in my children’s high school history textbooks, a moment that as we speak is forming the foundations of new religions. The moment that I found… Budweiser and Clamato. Yeah, that’s right — Budweiser, a perfectly normal, profitable company, has put out a product that consists of a can, a can that contains beer, tomato sauce, and clam juice. The resulting concoction is salmon-colored, cloudy, and carbonated. And it looked just as disgusting as it sloshed down the kitchen sink drain as it did sitting on the shelf in the store.
Clamato, as I read in wikipedia, is a mix of reconstituted tomato juice concentrate, reconstituted dried clam broth, and high fructose corn syrup. Oh, and MSG. Who the hell decided they needed to add beer to the mix? It’s apparently very popular, particularly in Canada, but it is easily THE WORST BEER I’VE EVER TASTED. And keep in mind, I’m the guy who actually finished forty-ounce bottles of Schlitz, King Cobra, and something called “Country Club”. I managed two sips of this abomination before I had to eat a mop to get rid of the flavor. It takes quite a lot to disgust me, and the fine folks at Budweiser have done it. I raise a glass of Tums to you in salute.
Sadly, I had poured it all down the drain before I realized I had not maximized the potential of this drink — clearly, what it’s meant for is dipping sauce for deep-fried White Castles. Maybe next year, unless I wise up before then. If I could give this drink a negative six, I could, but let’s just say that my digestive system will never be the same…