Beer Review: Okocim’s Mocne — Polish for “Works Every Time”

In a move that has the stockholders in a tizzy, I’ve managed in this review to combine my heretofore unrelated themes of Nasty Malt Liquors and Imported Oddities.   Today, we consider a product of the Polish brewery Okocim, a brew they named “Mocne”, which I presume is Polish for “Malt Liquor” and not some sort of slang contraction involving acne and some other body part along the lines of “bacne”.  Now before you start cringing at the anticipation of Polish jokes, let me assure you that I won’t go there — I’m Irish, and I’m rating beers, often quite bad beers, so I really can’t throw stones.

As for Mocne, I can’t decide if I’ve been duped or not.  They’ve gone ahead and put “Malt Liquor” on the label — does this indicate a foriegn-brewery lack of knowledge about the stigma associated with Malt Licka’s here in the U.S.?  Or have I purchased Poland’s equivalent of King Cobra, thinking it was a fancy import, despite them giving me fair warning on the label?  The fact is, it’s not nearly as bad as domestic Malt Liquors, but it’s not nearly as good as the specialty quintuple-boch-uber-malty brews that must technically be called Malt Liquors because of their alcoholic content, but nevertheless are quite tasty.  The flavor has a faint whiff of whatever domestic malt liquor reeks of.  The head had that same super-fine-grained soapy bubbliness that you see in cheap 40’s, industrial solvents, ocean foam in Newark, but never in a decent beer.  I have to conclude, therefore, that this beer is to King Cobra what Harp’s Lager is to Budweiser — an imported, better-quality yet essentially in the same family of beverage.  Since being the Best of the Malt Liquors is a distinction akin to being the professional bowler with the fastest 40-yard-dash time, I’m not sure what the point really is for this beer.  If you were somehow constrained to the world of malt liquors forevermore, this is your best beer choice, but if you’re in this situation then you really have more pressing problems to deal with…

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